Fight, Fight, Grace

I am one tired Mama. I wonder if i'm going to make it through this parenting thing. It is hard and it takes lots of work. I think it keeps getting harder the older they get. When they were really young, all I had to do was keep them alive, teaching them some basic survival skills, like how to eat, how to sleep when its night time, how to walk and talk, and of course you throw in some other skills like good habits, brushing teeth, going potty, manners (which I feel like I'm always reminding them of). Don't get me wrong, those are long, tiring days too, and you wonder if they are ever going to learn to put on their own shoes and coat. They do :) Be encouraged moms of babies and toddlers.

The reason for this post is because I am past the toddler stage, we are full-blown into school age kids. Granted, they are only 5 (Kindergarten) and soon to be 7 (1st grade), so still young, but old enough to be more assertive and independent. This year seems to be a tough year for us. In many ways but in regards to this, with me and the boys, I have really struggled with it. Everything is a competition!! So, it brings out selfishness and pride at its core. I battle and referee from the moment I pick them up from school, until they are sleeping on their pillows. Fighting and bickering, pushing their way, they are always right, going their own way, only thinking of themselves. I'm so tired by the end of the day that I know I'm not very loving come bed time, I just want them to fall asleep. I get so frustrated, that there are many times I lose my temper and at the end of the day I'm discouraged and feeling very defeated. I'm tired.

The other night I was talking with Bryan about how I have been feeling when it comes to our boys. We talked about being consistent, we talked about things we could change and do. As we were finishing I started thinking a little deeper...

Isn't this how we are in the eyes of God? We fight, we fight Him, we want things our way, we only think of ourselves, we think we are always right, pride and selfishness runs rampant through our flesh-filled lives. And how does He respond? Love and grace, patience and forgiveness. WOW! He never gives up, He patiently waits for us to come to our senses, to come back to Him in repentance, and He pours out His love, grace and mercy, not giving us what we do deserve! All of a sudden, my boys don't look so bad. In light of living in Christ, how can I not love and be patient with my boys as they work through the same problems I battle everyday? 

Ephesians 5:1 says to be imitators of God, and verse 2 says to walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us. Because of what Christ did on the cross, I have every reason to love, not responding in anger and frustration, but helping them see that because of Christ/the Gospel, there is a better way. God loves them, in spite of their bickering and fighting. God loves them, in spite of their selfishness and pride, in spite of them. So as I learn to walk in love, learning what it looks like to be an imitator of God, I move forward. My perspective changes. I want my boys to grasp what the gospel means. Its not performance-based, on how good they are, how well they behave, but its about what Christ did, how He loves us, and what He gave, His life. So, in the mist of their fighting and long days of refereeing, I pray for grace and strength, to show them His love and give them grace, the thing I ask of God daily. And maybe, just maybe, I'll make it through this parenting thing :)