Catch Up: When the Unexpected Happens

It has been a very long time since I wrote a blog! I have wanted to write one for awhile but never knew how to get it started, how to put into words what I've been going thru, thinking thru, struggling thru, never mind trying to put it down in a reading format! I'm hoping to start it back up and be a little more consistent in writing and keeping you up to date with what I'm working thru and what life looks like for me. So starting this year out, we are still in January, here we go. 

This past fall was a difficult one for us to say the least! I was met with spiritual battles and physical ones that I never thought I would have. In my mind we were done having kids, I was content with my two rambunctious boys. They bring a lot of life to our lives. Of course nothing permanent was done but we were actively trying not to get pregnant. SURPRISE!!! At the begining of August we found out we were expecting! Bryan accepted it right away and has a really good understanding of God's sovereignty and how to accept things that are out of our control. I, however, struggled to accept this huge change, life-altering event. I mean this changes everything! How our ministry looks, the dynamic of our family, the time a new baby takes, EVERYTHING!! I was not happy. Side note: I'm not a very good pregnant person, there isn't a whole lot I enjoy about the process, and i wasn't looking forward to gaining weight! It took a good 4 weeks of thinking, praying, working thru my lack of control, telling friends and family, announcing it on social media, for me to come to grips with it. And then I did. I finally got to the place where I knew God was challenging what I truly said I believed. And if He asked me to follow Him, than it means even in the unknown. I started to get excited. I became so convinced that this is from the Lord cuz we weren't trying or asking for it. And then God challenged me even more... We lost the baby at 9 1/2 weeks....

I got the news on my birthday. September and October became the hardest months I ever remember going thru as a mother. How could this be? I thought this was the plan, I finally accepted that! At first I handled it well, surprisingly. I never questioned God's plan like I did when we found out we were pregnant. I had worked thru the truth about God being sovereign. So it was easy for me to apply it here. Friends and family were so gracious and helpful in giving love and support. It was easy to talk about. I'm someone who doesn't hold back. How I work thru things is by talking it out. I remember a day that God brought something to mind and it helped me thru most of the healing process. "Remember when I asked you to follow me, no matter what, even in the unknown, back when you found out you were pregnant. Well, even when you don't know why I do things, I still ask you to follow me". So I carried that with me. Little did I know I had bigger issues than just following God in the unknown. To be continued...