My Body Tells My Story
My Body Tells My Story and it is only my story to tell. Life has not always been kind to me and I have not always been kind to my body. Every stretch mark talks of what my body went through to carry and birth 3 children and the one I wasn't able to meet. Every scar speaks to the surgeries, falls, chicken pox scabs, and burns. My hunch back tells you how I have a slight curve in my back and the hours, years of hunching over my children and the many cuddles that produced bad posture. The bunion tells you how much I love heels and how that got worse when I started running. Lastly, the one I struggle to accept the most, the one that seems to cause my heart to sin, and the one I'm writing about today is my weight.
This is what I know (head knowledge) to be true: That true beauty doesn't come from the outside, it's the inside that counts. God cares more about who you are than what you look like. That my size doesn't make me who I am. That I am valuable. I know what the scriptures say about who I am. Hello! I studied Ephesians for a whole summer! That I'm chosen, wanted, and loved by the One who created me, just the way that I am (Col. 3:12), regardless of my size and weight. And a whole slew of other references found in God's Word about my inheritance and identity in Christ.
Then why don't I believe it? Why is it so hard to believe (heart knowledge) the things that I know to be true? I can see myself going to a bad place every time I hate my body, and I know that is not lovely. Body hating is as unattractive as it gets. Why do I struggle to move my head knowledge to my heart? Why do I struggle to actually believe? I desire to be free from this bondage that keeps me trapped in this cycle of hating my body. I hate the way I feel physically and mentally. It affects my friendships. It affects my relationship with my husband. And yet I know that no matter how much weight I might lose, it won't change the way I feel or view myself cuz it all goes back to my heart and what I'm believing. So, what do I do? HELP seems to be my heart cry!
This is a downward spiral for me. I cry, alone, in front of the mirror. I don't feel lovely because I don't believe that I am lovely. It doesn't matter how many times Bryan tells me, I don't feel it. I know I'm not alone. I know this is a struggle for many. This has been my struggle for most of my adult life. So, what do we do about this struggle? Not only is this a battle inside me but I also know that I lead young girls (not to mention the little girl that is watching me daily and I'm so concerned about what I communicate to her!!) and I want to be an example. I want to give them truth AND live that truth. Not just talk it, but visibly see that my head knowledge is also my heart knowledge. That my knowledge turns into belief.
So here it is, as I understand it to be. I believe that it ALWAYS goes back to what I believe about who God is and what He has done. There are a whole lot of ways and places my heart needs more Jesus and needs a greater understanding of the gospel. I don't have this "christian" life down yet. I'm so glad that God never gives up on me. So in my desperate need to change my heart, I went to the two places I knew would help, God's Word and my husband. I started with the Psalms, hearing David's cries and his praises was like a balm to my hurting soul. I also read two books, Made to Crave by Lisa TerKeurst and You Can Change by Tim Chester, which my husband had suggested I read. The first was a good starting off point for me to get a grip and to refocus on where I was. Though I didn't agree with everything, there was a lot that encouraged me to look beyond my appearance, to look deeper. The second book was HUGE in helping me understand true change. It was everything Bryan had been telling me and more. I encourage you to pick up that book if you want to understand how to change from your sin patterns/thoughts/actions and understand how to live in the freedom of the gospel.
So what I desperately want to communicate to you is 1) Our bodies were never meant to be perfect! OH, how there is freedom in just that statement!!! I hate that the internet, social media, and the judgement of peers to fit a mold have sold us this lie that there is perfection. We are broken for a reason, because God wants to make us whole and perfect during His Second Coming. And it is a constant reminder that there is something better and we are in need of Him. The uniqueness of us all is what makes us all special. 2) When we body hate, we do one of two things. We believe the lie that what God made wasn't good and we know better than Him, that He is no longer good, and I need a different body to be satisfied and happy. Wow, did I just say that I know better than God and He isn't good. Yes... repent. The other thing we do when we body hate is ignore the truths of the Bible that tells us who we really are. 3) Change starts in your heart. It's time to do that hard work of belief, faith, and repentance. This christian life doesn't come easy and change doesn't happen without these three things, a constant working of these three things. At the beginning, I talked about how to get head knowledge to heart knowledge. We can't just hope it changes and gets to our hearts or simply want things to change and get better. We have to be action-oriented, asking the hard questions of what am I believing in this moment, what do I believe about God and who He is, what has He done for me, and repent of the unbelief in my heart. That's when change begins to happen!
This is a process and I have good days and bad days of what I'm choosing to believe. I don't want to be defined by my choices, whether I worked out today or ate a salad. I want to be defined by what I believe and who I am because of Christ. I want to be more concerned with loving people well, than what they look like or what I looked like when I was with them.
My body tells my story. This life is not about me!! Yes, God is doing a wonderful work in my life but the more I understand Him and His glory, the more I begin to see and understand that my body might tell a story--an earthly, physical, imperfect story--but it's not about my body story!! It's about God, His story, and the work that He is doing in my heart is for Him and His glory!!
I know this was long but it weighs heavy on my heart. This isn't the end, there is more to come...
This is what I know (head knowledge) to be true: That true beauty doesn't come from the outside, it's the inside that counts. God cares more about who you are than what you look like. That my size doesn't make me who I am. That I am valuable. I know what the scriptures say about who I am. Hello! I studied Ephesians for a whole summer! That I'm chosen, wanted, and loved by the One who created me, just the way that I am (Col. 3:12), regardless of my size and weight. And a whole slew of other references found in God's Word about my inheritance and identity in Christ.
Then why don't I believe it? Why is it so hard to believe (heart knowledge) the things that I know to be true? I can see myself going to a bad place every time I hate my body, and I know that is not lovely. Body hating is as unattractive as it gets. Why do I struggle to move my head knowledge to my heart? Why do I struggle to actually believe? I desire to be free from this bondage that keeps me trapped in this cycle of hating my body. I hate the way I feel physically and mentally. It affects my friendships. It affects my relationship with my husband. And yet I know that no matter how much weight I might lose, it won't change the way I feel or view myself cuz it all goes back to my heart and what I'm believing. So, what do I do? HELP seems to be my heart cry!
This is a downward spiral for me. I cry, alone, in front of the mirror. I don't feel lovely because I don't believe that I am lovely. It doesn't matter how many times Bryan tells me, I don't feel it. I know I'm not alone. I know this is a struggle for many. This has been my struggle for most of my adult life. So, what do we do about this struggle? Not only is this a battle inside me but I also know that I lead young girls (not to mention the little girl that is watching me daily and I'm so concerned about what I communicate to her!!) and I want to be an example. I want to give them truth AND live that truth. Not just talk it, but visibly see that my head knowledge is also my heart knowledge. That my knowledge turns into belief.
So here it is, as I understand it to be. I believe that it ALWAYS goes back to what I believe about who God is and what He has done. There are a whole lot of ways and places my heart needs more Jesus and needs a greater understanding of the gospel. I don't have this "christian" life down yet. I'm so glad that God never gives up on me. So in my desperate need to change my heart, I went to the two places I knew would help, God's Word and my husband. I started with the Psalms, hearing David's cries and his praises was like a balm to my hurting soul. I also read two books, Made to Crave by Lisa TerKeurst and You Can Change by Tim Chester, which my husband had suggested I read. The first was a good starting off point for me to get a grip and to refocus on where I was. Though I didn't agree with everything, there was a lot that encouraged me to look beyond my appearance, to look deeper. The second book was HUGE in helping me understand true change. It was everything Bryan had been telling me and more. I encourage you to pick up that book if you want to understand how to change from your sin patterns/thoughts/actions and understand how to live in the freedom of the gospel.
So what I desperately want to communicate to you is 1) Our bodies were never meant to be perfect! OH, how there is freedom in just that statement!!! I hate that the internet, social media, and the judgement of peers to fit a mold have sold us this lie that there is perfection. We are broken for a reason, because God wants to make us whole and perfect during His Second Coming. And it is a constant reminder that there is something better and we are in need of Him. The uniqueness of us all is what makes us all special. 2) When we body hate, we do one of two things. We believe the lie that what God made wasn't good and we know better than Him, that He is no longer good, and I need a different body to be satisfied and happy. Wow, did I just say that I know better than God and He isn't good. Yes... repent. The other thing we do when we body hate is ignore the truths of the Bible that tells us who we really are. 3) Change starts in your heart. It's time to do that hard work of belief, faith, and repentance. This christian life doesn't come easy and change doesn't happen without these three things, a constant working of these three things. At the beginning, I talked about how to get head knowledge to heart knowledge. We can't just hope it changes and gets to our hearts or simply want things to change and get better. We have to be action-oriented, asking the hard questions of what am I believing in this moment, what do I believe about God and who He is, what has He done for me, and repent of the unbelief in my heart. That's when change begins to happen!
This is a process and I have good days and bad days of what I'm choosing to believe. I don't want to be defined by my choices, whether I worked out today or ate a salad. I want to be defined by what I believe and who I am because of Christ. I want to be more concerned with loving people well, than what they look like or what I looked like when I was with them.
My body tells my story. This life is not about me!! Yes, God is doing a wonderful work in my life but the more I understand Him and His glory, the more I begin to see and understand that my body might tell a story--an earthly, physical, imperfect story--but it's not about my body story!! It's about God, His story, and the work that He is doing in my heart is for Him and His glory!!
I know this was long but it weighs heavy on my heart. This isn't the end, there is more to come...
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